In search of some study material I pulled down a box full of notebooks. I found some old journals I have kept from the past years and decided to read them. I read over some pages of a journal I kept from 2001. Yeah, I'm a pack rat and keep almost everything. I laughed, cried, and wondered at the things I wrote at such a young lady's life. If I could go back in time to talk to young Hev I would tell her not to worry so much, stay focused, and so much more. My words of wisdom on love to young Heather I have plenty. I might scare her by telling her the bad things she might experience in the future. Although time travel doesn't exist for me at times I wish I could change some things in my past. Reality shows are kind of like time travel. You can watch people's lives in the past and know their future. I was watching some reruns of a reality show and I thought to myself did these girls ever think they would be enemies. In the older episodes of the reality show they were best friends. Now in 2010 you see them in interviews spitting venom on each others name. We never know what's in store for us in life.
We just keep on living hoping whatever is to come it just might be better than before.
We all look back at time and see how life has turned out for the good or the bad. I used to journal and then when I looked back over the years of what I wrote, I was saying the same things over and over again. Wanting to be loved, being sad, why me Lord, etc... Then I just stopped. Went cold turkey and could not write another thing about myself. I looked pathetic to me and that is who I did not want to be. I am a good writer and I am currently writing a book, but writing about my life made me so depressed because I saw the pattern that I was the cause of my condition. It was me and my inability to see things for what or who they really were. Many people probably thinking that if they knew what you know now, that they would not be in the same state. This is probably true. Experience does make a difference. People really are not what they say they are. Now, I see things and people for who they really are. I don't live in a fantasy world and try to make people what or who I want them to be. I don't try to make my life seem like it is wonderful. I am real now and it helps me with what I need to do to get my life to where I want it to be. People's instincts are right. One thing about getting wiser also, is that you look back at who you once were and you start to regret how you didn't respect yourself and how you didn't respect and care about other people. Now I will not settle. I believe in my instincts. Relationships with males or your so-called girlfirends can be detrimental! I tell women to adhere to the warning signs and leave before you get in too deep and your life turns out to be nothing like you intended it to be. Unfortunately, we can't turn back the hands of time and we must face who we have become because of the choices.
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